featured Archives - Page 17 of 17 - Move2Connect Primitive Reflex Integration

Finding your own balance as a SEND parent

I have no idea what it is like NOT to support a child with SEND.

I started feeling stressed pretty much since my son was snatched away to SCBU at a few minutes old, and I feel like I have been fighting the system since a SCBU nurse took it upon herself to start giving my son formula without my consent.

We chose a small prep school for my son’s sensory needs for Reception, thinking small class sizes would be better. However, we decided to move him to a far more local primary school this academic year for a variety of reasons, including lack of diversity and lack of SEN experience. Plus, with a half commute in each direction, he simply never had time to go and do what a child of 7 is supposed to do after school – PLAY! Now, he’s home within five minutes, building dens in the garden with his brother.

Not only is he doing MUCH better in a state primary in a class of 30, supported appropriately by experienced teachers, who are not in the least bit fazed by learning differences, but we have noticed an enormous drop in his levels of anxiety. He no longer has the pressure of homework every evening or the pressure of having to try and fit in socially. In a class of 30 there are so many more children to choose from. Consequently, his performance globally is MUCH improved, because he feels “safe”.

I digress. My main reason for writing this piece is that I also feel that my son’s drop in anxiety is largely down to me.

Trying to get a child to fit in at completely the wrong school is extremely stressful. In fact, I think I spent the whole of year two at his previous school trying to avoid people, purely because the school refused to listen to the advice provided by privately commissioned reports, instead causing us huge anxiety by pointing out the ways in which he didn’t tick their boxes. I had a constant knot in my stomach, knowing that it was not the right school for him at all, mulling over all the possible alternatives for him.

So, fast forward to this year, when I feel balanced, happy and relaxed – and in complete synergy, my son is making progress, has friends and is SO happy with his school that he asks me why on earth he didn’t go there from the word go…

I digress again.

As a SEND parent, we are under constant strain to protect the interests of our children and fight their corners. It’s really tough.

People bring their children to me, and I can see myself with my son, five years ago when we started working on reflex integration with the legendary Bob Allen. I often see, just as he saw in me, that parents need support so they can feel “safe” in the world just as much as their children.

Bob never told me I’d benefit from work on myself – I came to that conclusion myself – partly because I’d seen such a miraculous transformation in my son and wanted to see what it’s like to change! (I also wanted to know whether I really did have any retained reflexes… because… you know…. I’d always done well in life, and couldn’t possibly be anything other than neurotypical).

I wish the more integrated version of myself could give the five years ago version of myself a big hug and tell myself it was all going to be ok – because it IS ok. And I’ve made it ok, thanks to the fact that I admitted to myself that I needed support.

So now… a quick thanks to Bob, Gill Brooksmith, Janice Graham, Gaynor Ralls (in fact, if it were not for Gaynor, I would have given up when FPR kicked in on several occasions – making me doubt myself and procrastinate!), and also Moira Dempsey for her incredible knowledge and enlightening reframing of the way I now look at things.

By admitting that I needed to be supported by others, and by working on integrating my own retained reflexes, I feel like a new person. I would not have seen myself in this role five years ago at all, but now it defines me: watching the incredible transformations in my clients, I know that I’ve finally found my vocation.

STNR: Symmetrical Tonic Neck Reflex TLR

Learning to crawl – how our development relates to learning

I adore watching babies make involuntary movements in their first few months of life. These involuntary movements are primitive reflexes, and are governed by the brainstem – the only part of our brain that is mature when a baby is born.

Very soon, babies start to be able to control their movements, and start being able to explore in the world. A baby has to inhibit primitive reflexes before moving to the next stage of development.

This video is a fantastic demonstration of how we should learn to crawl.

In some cases, babies do not get onto their hands and knees and push up to crawling like this. Some babies get around by rolling or “bum shuffling”.

Is this “normal”? Should we worry if we have a bum shuffler? Take a look at this video: these children will more than likely find it impossible to concentrate for any length of time at school, and will develop vision difficulties.

We must give babies every opportunity to cycle through the developmental stages themselves – that means no props to sit them in, no walkers, no bouncers, and as little time in car seats and even slings/carriers as possible.

As demonstrated by Baby Liv in the video, the Symmetrical Tonic Neck Reflex (STNR) is a reflex that helps babies learn how to start crawling by rocking back and forth on hands and knees. It strengthens the core, and is a pre-cursor to the integration of the ATNR reflex. Crawling is an extremely important step of development because the associated movements myelinate and strengthen connections in the corpus callosum, which is the part of the brain that connects the two hemispheres.

In fact, it is very important to have a well-connected corpus callosum in order to learn how to read and decode efficiently, as well as to be able to write numbers and letters the right way around and even to ride a bike. Children who have not learned to cross crawl (opposite hand and knee on the floor at the same time) do not have such dense neural pathways, which often leads to problems with convergence and near and far vision.

There is an interesting theory that a child is ready to learn to read once they loose their top front teeth, and I’ve heard that Steiner schools look at tooth loss as an indication of readiness for learning to read and write. I do not know how true this is, but it is true that children with neuro-developmental delays often lose teeth much later. Please take this statement with a pinch of salt, however, as I’m not sure how much peer-reviewed science there is behind it – but there is indeed plenty of anecdotal evidence.

A child who bum shuffles, or misses the crawling stage altogether has missed an important stage of development, and will almost certainly have an active STNR reflex. If you recognise this situation, you can always book in for an appointment.

Here are a few fun activities to try yourself, or to ask school to include in PE lessons:

play row, row, row your boat with another person, holding hands and touching feet
get children to cross crawl as much as possible, through tunnels etc
do push ups against a wall
do a snow angel movement on your back
use a balance ball to sit on while you work/watch tv

Babkin reflex Moro reflex

Why are some people just so ANGRY?

There are some people who cannot confront people face-to-face, and yet they are happy to write emotive and abrasive e-mails to express displeasure. I’ve just received one now, which is what’s given me the idea of writing this post. He would rather e-mail than deal with an issue by discussing it face-to-face, having let things bubble under the surface and get to seething point before exploding – electronically.

Why not talk try and discuss contentious issues, rather than be rude in e-mail format? When people can’t deal with a problem maturely, resentment tends to escalate on both sides of the fence, when this could easily have been avoided.

The fact is that people’s behaviour is governed by their neurology, so we can’t even really blame people for being “angry” or “rude”.

The sender of this e-mail doesn’t realise it, but I have been observing his behaviour for a while (I observe most people’s behaviour). His active Moro reflex means that he has extreme difficulties with processing and rationalising what he perceives to be challenges or irritations. Instead, he’ll over-react and blurt inappropriately, which offends people.

As a former translator, who networked extensively within forums online, I noticed similar behaviour – extreme over-reactions and an inability to simply let things go and move on.

So what is going on with these ANGRY people? The fact is that their Moro is controlling them and they simply cannot rationalise. They are living in survival mode, and are being controlled by brainstem reflexes.

There is often – but not always – also an element of active Fear Paralysis and Babkin reflexes in ANGRY people, both of which are important for feeling safe and relating to other people effectively.

The Moro (or startle/fight or flight) reflex emerges at the beginning of the second trimester, and should integrate and become the adult “strauss” reflex by four months of age. It is triggered through a reaction to strong vestibular, auditory, visual, tactile or proprioceptive stimuli – for example, if a baby is suddenly put down backwards and thinks it’s falling, a loud sound, something that feels unpleasant etc.

The baby will take a rapid inward breath and extend his or her arms away from the body, and then draw arms and legs into the midline of the body and then cry.

This is what the Moro reflex looks like in a newborn

Three days after I started working to integrate my own reflexes, my husband and I were trying to decide between kitchen counters for our new kitchen: I had narrowed the choice to three possibles, while he had narrowed to about ten. The old me would have patiently gone along with his ten choices and gently tried to persuade him to go with my three… but the reflex integration version of me had a toddler tantrum, stamped my foot, shouted “Just bl***y make a decision!”, and then stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind me. Then I got into my car and cried! The shout and foot stamp was the first part of the Moro, and the crying was the second part. Terrible twos can happen when you’re 43! You will be pleased to know that my husband was so shocked at my outburst that he did indeed narrow his choice down, and I felt SO much better after my cry.

I’m stuck with my blow-hot-blow-cold friend with the neurological maturity of a toddler – and by the way, we are actually really great friends face-to-face. I am not just saying this because I dislike receiving his sarky e-mails. I’m merely describing what I see. When we are born, we are nowhere near ready to function in the world, and even when we grow up, we may still not be ready to deal with the world around us effectively. Because I understand this guy’s behaviour, I don’t let his e-mails bother me.

If you tend to blame everyone else for the things that go wrong in your life, please do consider working on your Moro reflex. You will feel so much better for it. You will be able to relax, let things wash over you, and able to accept that it’s not always everyone else’s fault.