Babkin reflex Moro reflex

Why are some people just so ANGRY?

There are some people who cannot confront people face-to-face, and yet they are happy to write emotive and abrasive e-mails to express displeasure. I’ve just received one now, which is what’s given me the idea of writing this post. He would rather e-mail than deal with an issue by discussing it face-to-face, having let things bubble under the surface and get to seething point before exploding – electronically.

Why not talk try and discuss contentious issues, rather than be rude in e-mail format? When people can’t deal with a problem maturely, resentment tends to escalate on both sides of the fence, when this could easily have been avoided.

The fact is that people’s behaviour is governed by their neurology, so we can’t even really blame people for being “angry” or “rude”.

The sender of this e-mail doesn’t realise it, but I have been observing his behaviour for a while (I observe most people’s behaviour). His active Moro reflex means that he has extreme difficulties with processing and rationalising what he perceives to be challenges or irritations. Instead, he’ll over-react and blurt inappropriately, which offends people.

As a former translator, who networked extensively within forums online, I noticed similar behaviour – extreme over-reactions and an inability to simply let things go and move on.

So what is going on with these ANGRY people? The fact is that their Moro is controlling them and they simply cannot rationalise. They are living in survival mode, and are being controlled by brainstem reflexes.

There is often – but not always – also an element of active Fear Paralysis and Babkin reflexes in ANGRY people, both of which are important for feeling safe and relating to other people effectively.

The Moro (or startle/fight or flight) reflex emerges at the beginning of the second trimester, and should integrate and become the adult “strauss” reflex by four months of age. It is triggered through a reaction to strong vestibular, auditory, visual, tactile or proprioceptive stimuli – for example, if a baby is suddenly put down backwards and thinks it’s falling, a loud sound, something that feels unpleasant etc.

The baby will take a rapid inward breath and extend his or her arms away from the body, and then draw arms and legs into the midline of the body and then cry.

This is what the Moro reflex looks like in a newborn

Three days after I started working to integrate my own reflexes, my husband and I were trying to decide between kitchen counters for our new kitchen: I had narrowed the choice to three possibles, while he had narrowed to about ten. The old me would have patiently gone along with his ten choices and gently tried to persuade him to go with my three… but the reflex integration version of me had a toddler tantrum, stamped my foot, shouted “Just bl***y make a decision!”, and then stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind me. Then I got into my car and cried! The shout and foot stamp was the first part of the Moro, and the crying was the second part. Terrible twos can happen when you’re 43! You will be pleased to know that my husband was so shocked at my outburst that he did indeed narrow his choice down, and I felt SO much better after my cry.

I’m stuck with my blow-hot-blow-cold friend with the neurological maturity of a toddler – and by the way, we are actually really great friends face-to-face. I am not just saying this because I dislike receiving his sarky e-mails. I’m merely describing what I see. When we are born, we are nowhere near ready to function in the world, and even when we grow up, we may still not be ready to deal with the world around us effectively. Because I understand this guy’s behaviour, I don’t let his e-mails bother me.

If you tend to blame everyone else for the things that go wrong in your life, please do consider working on your Moro reflex. You will feel so much better for it. You will be able to relax, let things wash over you, and able to accept that it’s not always everyone else’s fault.

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Five tips for taking your child to therapy

I remember the first time I took my son to see a complementary therapist. He was just four years old, and I really did not know what to expect.

Here is a list of my top tips for visiting therapists with children:

1. Either talk to the therapist / doctor etc BEFORE the appointment by phone, or type and print out information that you do not want to talk about in front of your child, ready to hand over when you walk in.

Despite the fact that my son used to zone out, he always picked up on conversation, so I felt that it was inappropriate to talk about him in front of him.

The worst appointment I have ever been to was with a paediatrician, who really should know better. He talked about my child as if he was not in the room. As a consequence, my son did not want to engage, as was scared of this man, who had made all sorts of outrageous comments in front of him. I complained and was told this was the norm in paediatric appointments, so please be aware! (I am sure it is not the norm at all).

When I see parents with children, I ask them to call me beforehand for a pre-appointment, and get the catching up part out of the way before the actual appointment. This reduces time in clinic, which is usually better for children anyway. My initial appointment time is 90 minutes, but if I can spend half an hour or so on the phone with a parent in advance, that reduces the time physically sitting in clinic to around an hour. No matter what parents report back on follow-up appointments, I can see for myself whether there has been change, the extent of the change and what has changed. This is because I keep accurate notes in order to track progress and work a way forward.

2. Communicate with your child in advance to explain who you are going to see and why

When we used to go to see a neuro-developmental therapist and an osteopath, we used to tell our son that this was to help him think and move better. Because I used to see the same neuro-developmental therapist and osteopath myself, this was even easier for me to explain, because I normalised it by going myself. Now that I AM a neuro-developmental therapist, it’s even easier to explain why we do what we do – in the case of RMTi, I’m training the body, and training the person to know what movements to use in order to cope with “stuff” in life.

3. If your child has no rapport with the therapist, please follow your gut instinct

When we go to see any kind of specialist in a field, we have GOT to feel comfortable and safe with that person. If we don’t, we are not going to make any progress – especially if the objective of seeing a therapist is to alleviate anxiety!

Please be honest with yourself and with your therapist. If your child hates going, please don’t drag them back time after time! You won’t get anywhere. Your child – and you – have to find sessions enjoyable, or even tolerable. You have to want to cooperate and you have to want to move forward with your therapist. Please do not think a therapist will take it personally if you go elsewhere. After all, it works both ways, and a therapist will be reluctant to work with you if they notice such resistance.

4. If your child refuses to cooperate during a therapy session….

Please do not worry! This is SO common, especially in the early stages of neuro-developmental work.

You will have to pay for an appointment that someone else might have taken, yes. But do not feel it’s been a waste of time. Neuro-developmental therapists can pick up exactly what needs to be done during a session, even without testing reflexes. They can devise a programme based on what they see, and if you can manage to do this with your child, you will see a difference.

If a child is refusing to engage or cooperate, it is very likely that they will have a very strong fear paralysis reflex, which causes extreme anxiety and demand avoidance. Do not stress! We have seen it all before. We can show you how to do the movements yourself, and then you can do them with your child when you get home. If your child sees you working with us, it usually helps immensely.

5. Make time for yourself

My number one tip (even if fifth on the list) is to please look after yourself.

As a parent/carer, you are the cement that is holding the family together. You are trying to make a better future for your child, and enabling them to cope in life. That is a massive responsibility, and it is ok to take time out for yourself too.

I like to involve parents in therapy, because often, they need the movements as much as their children. It also helps engage a child with the therapy better if their parent/carer is doing the same, and normalises the therapy.

I remember the first time I took my son to see a complementary therapist. He was just four years old, and I really did not know what to expect. Here is a list tips for visiting therapists with children:

Good Luck!

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RMTi – working WITH our children: reducing challenges for parent and child

It is a big step to book your first appointment to see a new therapist for yourself, never mind for a child who is extremely anxious and finds new surroundings and new people difficult. Suddenly, they are faced with a new person in a big chair, and a room with a massage table (and yoga mat in my case), and it can all seem a bit intimidating.

One thing that has always really irritated me is having to talk about my child in front of him when I’ve been to see various people: he is a very sensitive little person and having to talk about his difficulties and issues in front of him is not an option for me.

With this aspect in mind, I always make sure that I have a lengthy conversation with the parents of children I see in advance of a session – not just for first appointments, but also subsequent. I’m always available by email for questions and lightbulb moments in between appointments as well! The one thing I do not do is text, because I have an ancient Nokia phone, and can’t remember how to use it for texting!

During our initial telephone appointment, I’ll go through the “Client Questionnaire” and ask about anything that really stands out, or if there are any particular concerns. By talking ahead of an appointment, I can then concentrate on observing during the session.

When I call for a review, I ask what parents have noticed – are there any changes? Have they not noticed any changes at all – but hang on… their child suddenly has a best friend when before they didn’t? Perhaps their child has suddenly discovered the swing in the park? Perhaps the child is suddenly able to ride a bike or do cartwheels? Huge developmental leaps that suddenly happen… Could this be down to RMTi? YES!

Rhythmic Movement Training is so called because we are training the brain to make new connections, and training those who come to see us to understand when they need to use these movements and methods to manage their own difficulties going forward. For this reason, I have started referring to my “clients” as “students” – a far more cooperative description of how we work!

With our own background in mind, I have started working in a new way with parents who come to see me with their children: I do not work with their children in isolation. Instead, I work with parents too. That way, they may also feel positive change for themselves. In addition, a child is more likely to engage and buy in to the programme if their parents are doing it too! This way, a session with me really is a “lesson”, and my “students” have fun with each other, learning the new movements and trying them out on each other.

I have also noticed that parents find it a lot easier to stick to the programme when they are doing it themselves and start to notice positive change in themselves. Sometimes, parents can be very anxious themselves, and RMTi is marvellous at dealing with anxiety, as we already know… By helping a parent feel safe and more relaxed, we are helping the child also feel safe and more relaxed, and we will see a much better result overall.