When a School Stops Being Safe: Systemic Failings and Our Family’s Journey Toward EOTAS
For the past 3 years, our child attended an independent special school—one we had chosen carefully, hoping it would provide the specialist support and emotional safety he needed. We spent £18,000 on private reports and legal fees to evidence a place at this school. At the time, we believed it was the best place for him. We believed that expertise and empathy would safeguard his wellbeing.
But over the past year, everything changed.
This is not a story we ever expected to tell. Yet it is one that speaks directly to the themes of Move2Connect: nervous system development, safety, stress, trauma, and the deep need children have for attuned, trustworthy environments.
When the Warning Signs Began
Looking back, the earliest signs were small—subtle inconsistencies, communication gaps, moments that didn’t align with good safeguarding practice or trauma-informed values. Initially, we rationalised them. Parents often do. We want to believe the professionals caring for our children are doing their best.
But gradually, the pattern became impossible to ignore.
There were incidents we couldn’t reconcile. Decisions that didn’t make sense. Responses that left us uneasy. And over time, our child’s nervous system started telling us what the school would not: he did not feel safe anymore.
When Advocacy Became a Full-Time Job
As concerns escalated, we took every step we were supposed to take—raising safeguarding issues, reporting incidents, requesting clarity, asking for support. Instead of reassurance, however, we were met with defensive language, inconsistent documentation, and a culture that made the simple act of asking questions feel adversarial.
What unfolded was something many SEND families will recognise:
- Missing or contradictory records
- Complaint documents that didn’t match what had actually been sent
- Professionals minimising concerns or pathologising parental stress
- Agencies repeatedly signposting us to each other with no clear accountability
Meanwhile, our child’s anxiety and sensory stress rose sharply.
Meanwhile, we tried to hold everything together—to stay calm, to stay rational, to keep him safe.
When a Parent’s Nervous System Reaches Breaking Point
The turning point came when our GP—who also serves as safeguarding lead—met with us and recognised the seriousness of what was happening. She recorded her concern directly into our child’s NHS file. She listened. She validated what we had been living with for months.
And that moment changed everything.
Because chronic hypervigilance is not sustainable.
Because no family should have to chase safeguarding agencies for action.
Because no child should be asked to endure an environment their nervous system experiences as unsafe.
Leaving the School
Ultimately, we made the difficult but necessary decision:
our child could not return to that school.
By that point, he was exhausted, withdrawn, and overwhelmed by peer relationships and staff interactions that repeatedly left him dysregulated. The setting was no longer emotionally or physically safe for him, and we had no choice but to remove him.
He has not been back since.
Where We Are Now: EOTAS and Legal Processes
Our child is now out of school and waiting for Education Otherwise Than at School (EOTAS) to be formally agreed. The situation is being examined through several formal routes at once:
- A complaint to the Local Government and Social Care Ombudsman
- A SEND Tribunal appeal
- Preparation for Judicial Review
This was never the path we expected, nor the one we wanted. But when trust breaks down so completely, and when safeguarding concerns are not addressed, families are left with no other route.
The Ripple Effect on the Whole Family
His sibling has also been affected—becoming increasingly clingy and unsettled as he watched the emotional strain unfold at home. My own health, studies, and career progression have been impacted by the relentless advocacy required. These are the unseen consequences that rarely feature in policy discussions, but are very real for families like ours.
Safeguarding failures do not happen in isolation.
They reverberate through every corner of family life.
Why I’m Sharing This
I’m sharing this not to apportion blame, but because families in the SEND system often endure experiences that remain hidden, minimised, or dismissed.
A child’s nervous system tells the truth long before paperwork does.
Children cannot learn in environments that feel unsafe.
Parents cannot thrive when safeguarding concerns are ignored.
And systems cannot claim to protect children if they are unwilling to hear uncomfortable truths.
Moving Forward
Our child is now safe at home.
We are building an EOTAS package that will genuinely meet his needs—supporting his sensory profile, his learning style, and his emotional wellbeing.
The processes ahead may be long, but they are necessary.
And in the meantime, our priority is rebuilding his sense of safety, stability, and confidence.
